(S I G H)
That's all i could do right now. I am typing in here impromptu and I do not even know if I really want to express my thoughts right now. All i know is that:
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
State of Mind: Blank. Wandering.
Physical State: Tired. And sleepy.
Emotion/s: Lonely. Wistful.
I had a very good full four days since Saturday. Well, yeah, quite. I think Sunday and Monday are so-so. But still ended up good. All i know is that during those days i must make the most out of everything. relax and enjoy life a little. Live life and experience it. And I believe i did.
Wednesday came and i was up at 3.30 in the morning. Dusk was setting in but I was not sleepy at all. My heart was crimping though. I cannot fathom how i can let all my feelings out. I made a promise that I will not be emotional anymore. And so what i do is to cheer me up, deviate from my negative and lowly emotions, and switch to goofy, stupid, yet fun laughs. But the more i do it, the more it backfires on me and the more that i feel sad.
For one long day i have not done anything of substance, nothing of worth. This is usually how i am after a trip - whether short or not-so short. And i am also losing the line of my own thoughts. Like what is happening right now.
I just want to be lost in a crowd for a little bit. Or perhaps be alone in an isolated place and really feel how small you are in the prodigious presence of the earth. Perhaps let my spirits fly in its marvel and be humbled by its power.
I also want to burst into hard tears and just let it all out. And then express my love for everything and for everyone.
I want to love and be loved back. I want to be taken care of. I want to know that hope is not just there for me to be able to hang on for another day. And that cycle will just viciously go on and on and on and on... I want to know for sure that tomorrow's gonna be okay - okay the way i want it to be. I want to expect and not hope anymore.
It's so hard when you promised to be strong when in fact you are unbelievably weak. The same goes when you promised you will stay still when in fact your heart is trembling and is soaked in neverending tears. It's hard to deny that you want something badly and instead convince yourself you are content as is.
(S I G H) and even deeper...
I have lost track of what words my fingers really want to key in...
All i know is that Olive is playing "After All" and i seem to be moved by the song. I don't even know what it wants to say... All i hear is that one of the singers said ... "I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me... after all..." I thought the singer/s realized something - something good right? Cus they ended up together/ Did they? Will they? But why is he sad?
That's all i could do right now. I am typing in here impromptu and I do not even know if I really want to express my thoughts right now. All i know is that:
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
State of Mind: Blank. Wandering.
Physical State: Tired. And sleepy.
Emotion/s: Lonely. Wistful.
I had a very good full four days since Saturday. Well, yeah, quite. I think Sunday and Monday are so-so. But still ended up good. All i know is that during those days i must make the most out of everything. relax and enjoy life a little. Live life and experience it. And I believe i did.
Wednesday came and i was up at 3.30 in the morning. Dusk was setting in but I was not sleepy at all. My heart was crimping though. I cannot fathom how i can let all my feelings out. I made a promise that I will not be emotional anymore. And so what i do is to cheer me up, deviate from my negative and lowly emotions, and switch to goofy, stupid, yet fun laughs. But the more i do it, the more it backfires on me and the more that i feel sad.
For one long day i have not done anything of substance, nothing of worth. This is usually how i am after a trip - whether short or not-so short. And i am also losing the line of my own thoughts. Like what is happening right now.
I just want to be lost in a crowd for a little bit. Or perhaps be alone in an isolated place and really feel how small you are in the prodigious presence of the earth. Perhaps let my spirits fly in its marvel and be humbled by its power.
I also want to burst into hard tears and just let it all out. And then express my love for everything and for everyone.
I want to love and be loved back. I want to be taken care of. I want to know that hope is not just there for me to be able to hang on for another day. And that cycle will just viciously go on and on and on and on... I want to know for sure that tomorrow's gonna be okay - okay the way i want it to be. I want to expect and not hope anymore.
It's so hard when you promised to be strong when in fact you are unbelievably weak. The same goes when you promised you will stay still when in fact your heart is trembling and is soaked in neverending tears. It's hard to deny that you want something badly and instead convince yourself you are content as is.
(S I G H) and even deeper...
I have lost track of what words my fingers really want to key in...
All i know is that Olive is playing "After All" and i seem to be moved by the song. I don't even know what it wants to say... All i hear is that one of the singers said ... "I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me... after all..." I thought the singer/s realized something - something good right? Cus they ended up together/ Did they? Will they? But why is he sad?
