Anawangin - One with nature

Hi there!

I have just been on a little trip to Zambales with my good friends and my kids. We went to Anawangin Cove and stayed there for two days and a night. Well what can I say - it was an enchanting place. Just off Pundakit on the boat, everything just started to look and feel majestic. The waters were high when we went there and my fears of the open sea were just compensated with the beautiful scenery. It’s like being in a live postcard.

The drive was smooth and easy. But it wasn’t short, no. Plus I was not driving that’s why it was easy ;-) I’m sorry Mike that you had to drive all the way and back. Well, you were never a passenger since the first day we met a few (read: many, many, many) years back. So anyway, from South Luzon Expressway to the North Luzon Expressway and still all the way to the new Subic-Clark-Tarlac Expressway, we hit Pundakit and parked at a little barrio with the friendliest people. Romy, Mike’s contact person and our new friend, couldn’t hide his sheepish grin on our stuff alone – it needs a whole boat by itself! But they were very nice and helped us carry all our shhhtuff. You’ll guess we’re the people who definitely don’t want to get hungry.

We were greeted by Manang Ligaya and her son Max and her apo Robert. They set up our table, benches, and we started putting up our respective tents while having our coffee. We are not really campers nor mountaineers so we made a lot of big fuss about setting up our newly-bought tents but sure did have a lot of fun (and pictures) out of that task.

We then started preparing our lunch – grilled tilapia, chicken barbeque, hotdogs for the kids, ensaladang talong, and of course rice. And as Pinoys as we are, with that tinge of Spanish blood and influence, we had our siesta. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………

Come mid afternoon we started trekking the woods – there’s a forest of pines at the back and streams. We walked along the stream while (of course) taking pictures of every tree, every rock, every flow of water, every puff of clouds, and every step of our way. At the end of the whole stream you will see how the river meets the sea. From that end you can see and feel and majestic presence of nature. The waves are great and fun. The mountain peaks make a bold statement. The ocean reveals its grand existence. And our joys can never be kept.

We bathed in the entertaining dance of the surf until dusk and took our baths at the good old poso. We prepared our dinner afterwards – sinigang from our neighboring campers (these are the experts – they are hard core mountaineers), more grilled tilapia and chicken barbeque, grilled zucchini (yes you read that right – z-u-c-c-h-i-n-i), green bell peppers, tomatoes, and of course some of that tender juicy hotdogs. We had stuck marshmallows on sticks and burned them over fire for dessert – this time Joel had quickly set up a bonfire at the front our tents. Afterwards, we walked in the shallow part of the woods to greet the fireflies and revel in how they lit up the tree tops. And before we scare ourselves in the woods, we headed back to the beach and just listened to the growling waves hitting the shore. The air was sweet and the night was indeed lovely.

Waking in the cool morning breeze is certainly my most favorite part of being away from the city. I cannot help but remember spending our summer vacation in the valleys with that distinct fresh scent and sweet gusts of wind.

We did our little trekking back again and even hiked up the mountain on the side. I am blessed to have adventurous children who just love and appreciate the beauty and gift of nature. We played with the exciting waves until it exhausted all the coffee, the cereals, the sardines, the danggit, the wheat bread, the peanut butter, and the fried rice we had just a few hours earlier.

It was heartbreaking leaving the shores of Anawangin. It was hard to smile and wave goodbye to Max and Robert, and later on to Manang Ligaya. It was not easy to go back to reality and snap out of the Anawangin enchantment we had for two days. But the memories will always be great.

Until we meet again…

Falling in love and staying in it.

Photo used without permission.

Love has always been an easy topic for writing something. I doubt if there are still people who has not fallen in love.

Here is an email I sent myself as an outlet a little while back.

Anyway, my inspiration for writing this whatever-it-is is my meeting with Emma, Tom, Ryan and Justin yesterday. I suddenly missed writing down my thoughts when Emma and I were alone at first- we talked about her latest ordeal with her husband, her seeming regrets. Her wanting to be wanted and to be special. I can totally relate. And I wanted to tell her so much about how /// but of course, I can't be insensitive enough to rob her of her piece and rub in her seeming sadness with how great /// and all that.

Hence... Here it is...

Hi there. It’s been a while since I sat down in front of the computer to write something about my thoughts. And today I will attempt to do so. My chosen topic would be about FALLING IN LOVE and BEING IN LOVE. Cliché? Yes, it could be; but as a cliché as it is, people still fret about this thing called love. We all go gaga over love. That’s not the mere reason why I itch to write about the topic today though. Yesterday, after not seeing each other for ages, me and my closest friends decided to meet for dinner and a movie. I first picked up my friend Emma (not her true name) and waited for our other friends in our favorite mall. For about two hours, she updated me with what’s going on lately with her, her struggle as a wife, about being a woman and (not) feeling like one. Occasionally, I would pitch in my own experiences, my own thoughts and my own feelings. It was fun and sad at the same time. I have never seen her eyes with sadness and regrets before. Emma has always been the happy type of person; her presence would never ever bring in a stain of sad feelings. She had been in love and now she doubts it. I have never met a person who has not been in love yet. I just couldn’t remember a day in my life when I haven’t thought of falling in love and being in love. Now that I have grown, sometimes I think I was a pathetic kid, growing up always wondering about love. Looking for the right one. Waiting for my knight in shining armor. Hoping to be Cinderella.

I have stumbled into falling in love a few times. Infatuation when I was younger and a taste of true love later on – or so I thought. Yes, I can say that now because now I know for sure I have seen true love. And I realized true love isn’t perfect at all. It’s not what I had read in those romance paper back novels nor was it even close to the feel-good-movies I so love to watch. But the feeling – it’s magical. It is not just like having a crush when I was growing up where the clouds are always puffy, the wind is blowing with jest, and you smile secretly and sometimes even catch your self smiling all of a sudden. I knew for sure it was true love because I want to preach about it. I want to tell every soul I come across to how great it is to be in love, how lucky I am experiencing the rare opportunity. I want to tell them how to spot true love, when to know it is indeed true love. Crazy isn’t it? And the feeling, it is more than just seeing puffy clouds and smiling secretly, it is literally feeling your heart jump out of your chest! That is how I felt; I can literally hear my heart pounding, and I fall for the same person who makes me feel this way every time I see him. I myself cannot believe how he makes me fall for him over and over again. And when I see or do things, everything reminds me of him, and I always all of a sudden realize “I love that guy.” I have told him more than a few times that I had never been certain about anything in this world but one – I love him and that will keep on going on and on and on… And I also know for sure that my love for him will keep on growing stronger each day of my life. I had never been that in love before and I know for sure I will never ever be again. That was it.

/// I have found true love in the most unsuitable situation wearing the most inappropriate shoes. It was just too strong for me to resist. And it felt immaculately right amidst the entire chaotic backdrop. Thus, selfishly, I never let go of my true love. I just can’t. His arms were the only place I felt safe in, his presence made me feel I am special and lucky, and the most phenomenal of all /// He is the only person I would want to see before I close my eyes and sleep; the only person I would want to see first thing in the morning. He is the only person I want to experience life with. I literally breathe this person I so truly love and I knew I would just die being away from him. It is just sad that I experience true love in a world that is not exactly existing. /// Still, I am grateful to have fallen in true love and I would never choose otherwise. Hence, I am staying in it.

Some pieces of thoughts

Hey ya!

Remember when i posted something about "when blogs were unheard of?" Well this posting will be something somewhere in there too. But these ones are topics picked by my Litt professor a while back. I enjoyed that early morning class because of his one-page assignments. I can even remember him saying anything beyond page one will no longer be read; but he also mentioned something like your page does not necessarily have to be a typical short bond paper or an A4. It could be whole cardboard or Manila Paper for all he cares. As long as it is written in a one-page output. That was really cool huh? And sarcastic actually. That professor of mine was actually pretty filled with sarcasm most times - all the time! But I still like him.

Well, here are three of my homework under Professor Sarcasm:

Assignment #1: If you only have 24 hours to live, how would you spend it?

24 Hours to Live

If I had only twenty-four hours to live, I would start my life at the fifth hour, while everything else is still and silence is prevalent. I will indulge in this tranquility, will take a deep breath and listen to the sounds coming from within and feel the uninteresting void. I will then know what a heartbeat really is, and what the damp dawn wind truly feels. The soft cool breeze weaving in my every pore and the smell of the crisp morning air will never be as implausible as this one would be. I will witness the most exhilarating and optimistic sunrise as I attest to the alive and beautiful colors of the earth. I will dance happily to the tunes of nature, walk barefoot on the cool and ticklish grass, jump in excitement, roll over the meadow and embrace the joyful flowers. I will taste the morning dew, splash my face with cold water from the stream and get soaked with the freshwater creatures. I will devour on the freshly picked fruits and I will linger among the big barks of the lush trees. I will lie on the velvety ground and smile big time to the sunlight! I will write a poem about the great privilege of being such a proof of how wonderful life is. I will write my brood each a letter, my love for them, the ablaze inspiration they keep on giving me, the gift that they are which has kept me breathing. I will encourage them to stop and smell the roses, to be brave and be crazy, to laugh heartily and cry tremendously, to be hurt to know how to love and to stumble to be able to carry on. I will ask them to bend their knees to be uplifted, to keep their mouths closed when there is nothing good to say and to learn to be able to teach. I will give them a toast as well to their posterity.
I will culminate my day by gathering my precious ones; we will pray together, thank the Lord and give Him praise. We will lie together in one bed, I will hold them close as if I am never letting go, I will stare at the dark oblivion until I lose myself serenely.

Assignment #2: Would you exist to live or live to exist?

Exist to live or Live to exist?

This question is personally confusing for me and interesting as well. It raises another question in thought: would you rather live or exist? Is there really a difference between the two or this is merely a play on words? None the less, this is where the flow of my thoughts will start until I find out for myself as well, would I exist to live or live to exist? First, let me aver my judgment on life. To live is to employ life; it is beyond breathing, not merely taking your meals everyday, not just waking up in the morning to work. The rout nary things we do everyday for the most part compose our life. The other things, like our plans fill in the rest. The ‘other things’ may comprise of what we want to do for a living, our aspirations, where do we plan to spend the next summer, which restaurant would we spend our weekend get-together with friends, and all the other things which, so as we humans say it “spice up our life.” Living is painting one’s life with colors one sees amiable- that is my stance. On the other hand, I will now profess my stand on existence, at least what I think it is. To exist is to celebrate life and give a name to it. It is giving meaning to life and engraving it in the hearts and minds of others. To exist is to have a purpose, not just goals. It is contributing something to this world. It is not only having people be a part of your life but being a part of another being’s life as well. It is not only experiencing how to love and be loved back, it is showing another person what love is, giving that person an experience he or she will treasure for all of reality. To exist does not only know the beauty of life, it is being a part of it. To exist is to exhaust one’s self to all the emotions man has known and afar. To exist is to make a mark on this world. It is not being passive, it is not living alone, it is being a part of life. It is about knowing why we are here. It is minding others’ business, caring for them, it is getting involved. To exist is not only being alive, it is also being life-giving. It is not only empathizing with the oppressed but also doing something to uplift their spirits and actually, their lives. It is not all about sympathizing with the poor, it is embracing them and leading them the path to hope and a tangible tomorrow. To exist is not only passing through this lifetime, it is being a remarkable part of this lifetime. Having said all these now draws me to what I truly value, to what my answer is to the outstanding question, it has led me to realize my genuine purpose: to exist. I, Esabela, live to exist.

Assignment #3: What is one thing you would do for love?

One thing for love

Love. Oh, love. The one thing that could change everything about a person’s life. The many splendor thing. The one thing that makes the world go round, the one thing that makes people lose their sanity, and sometimes tragically, lose their life. All the wonderful and bizarre things in the name of love. Love is all we need. All these and more about love, the list can go on as far as the distant horizon. I myself have experienced love, have loved and been loved or so I hope. I have done crazy things for love, fought with my own parents for love, denied myself of a career and happiness for love. ///As my favorite poem says it, "someone, one someone who makes my days brighter, my joys greater and my heart lighter. Someone I want so to share with, do everything with, and go everywhere with..." /// I will follow the rules for love. I will play it straight. I have already come to realize that I am done with being foolish for love, done with breaking all the rules and doing it my own way. I have realized treating love with such negligence has just the same left me neglected. The tragedies, so to speak I have experienced will never be the events I will learn a lesson of love from. It is with the love I have right now that I will carry on and it is the same love that will give a smile on my face at any given time of the day. I will be able to care for love only by truly caring for it. To let love in one’s life is like entering a room of eggshell flooring and walking on it. To dance with love is like skating on thin ice. Therefore, to be able for love to stick it out with me, I will make sure to do everything to be worthy of love. I will only be honest and trustworthy to start with. I will think twice before doing anything that would in one way or another, affect or risk love. I will act maturely for love’s sake. I will watch my behavior for love’s sake. I will strive to be wise for love. I will have a good heart for love. No frills, nothing fancy, no more things so crazy, no more acts reckless and folly. No more small talks and shallow, meaningless words on love, only big gestures that truly celebrate love. I can never afford to go wrong anymore. To lose love and search the world over for another is just another tragedy. I am done with tragedies. This time, only fond memories. I will take love seriously. I will play the rules for love. I will play it straight.

Have fun today!

When Blogs were unheard of

Hi!

I would like to share with you pieces of mind when Blogs were unheard of - or at least in my world and my friends' worlds as well. Since I was a kid, I loved writing down my thoughts on whatever things. It used to be in the form of poems when I was in gradeschool. It moved up to letter-like essays. Then adolescence creeped up in my veins and made me a little weird - these essays (very short essays) became diary postings - it's just that they were addressed to myself not to a "Dear Diary." And then I got caught up with email and these "postings" or whatever I do just to serve as an outlet of my thoughts became self-addressed emails. I hope I don't scare you. It's just that I like to have literary (or so i hope!) outlets but I never wanted to actually send them to friends or whoever. I feel like I am violating their right to have a good day in life with my senseless thoughts. I don't want to waste anybody's time (except for my friend Karen - I always bug her) and I don't want to affect others of my melancholy and all the sorts that I could be.

So here are a few of my insanity MANY YEARS BACK:

FLIMSY

A quiet night on my way home... Driving alone on a slightly damp road, raindrops calmly resting on the car windows, nice n’ easy music, and a luminous shine slowly paving a dimly lit path. A perfect moment that surely brought about flashes of memories that gave me the same exact feeling I have had long since. A feeling that is rather whimsical and estranged but never do I know its name. A feeling which gives a certain kind of smile, a certain kind of contentment. A feeling that makes me look up to the sky then lets my spirit be one with the void. A feeling that gives me no pressures and promises me nothing at all. It’s a feeling that lets me go on driving without thinking on how to drive. A feeling that lets me adore the lonely night sky. A feeling that lets me live my dreams. A feeling which sort of lifts me up, sways me gently, and wraps me in a cool touch of breeze. It’s something that would want to satisfy my need for writing about it then never would know what would come next. A feeling that would then take everything about my whole being and then leave it lost…

And another one: Intellectual Affair

I once asked a friend what is his greatest fear. After he got to share his thoughts, I shared mine. Here it is: (wait, wouldn’t it be too conceited to always discuss about one's own thoughts?) Hope it's not, just want to share...

Right now one of the things I fear is having an intellectual affair with someone. "Affair" for this matter would not actually mean something that would lead to some "worldly" interests. Perhaps a romantic or passionate attachment of limited time frame and/or a lively enthusiasm is acceptable. I added that having this rather platonic kind of relationship is even more alarming than the usual affairs where intelligent love does not exist but lust prevails. For in this kind of relationship, you will be more attached that letting go will never be easy. A person who is intellectually stimulating is justifiably hard to find than someone who has the right curves and (dirty) looks. Being involved in such a special relationship is like being stuck in a pit of quick sand; only you will be in a perplexing situation whether to choose being devoured by the sticky trap- another uncertainty incognito, or dig up, fight it and wish to forget it the minute you make your first step away. And if you would try to decipher this with your conscience, you would surely be bothered by guilt for you have been struck by a strong adhesion not a single wink could possibly vanish...

And another one: 24 hours

A friend once asked me how do I ideally want to spend 24 hours. After a few moments here's what I have shared:
I would like to spend 24 hours in a serene place where (from my previous mail) the air is sweet and pure, the scenery is lush, and where my memories would last... I would be sitting in a trunk of tree lying on a bed of soft grass with green pasture all over, the mountains at the back and the infinite horizon from the sea in front. A soda or a bottle of water would be nice while there is still sunlight, and I don’t think two cans of beer ;-D would hurt when day light goes out. If it's okei, I’d be smoking a stick or two while staring at the crystal waters of the sea. To even make it more romantic, moonlight should be over our heads... Of course I should be with someone while I luxuriate in this fantasy. Though that someone wouldn't have to be someone with a romantic interest in me (or vice versa) as long as we share the same interests (he or she wouldn’t be there had he or she wanted to be in a bar or some place else, right?), not necessarily the same views, but definitely someone who somewhat enjoys boredom. And by the way, please take note that while we're having the whatever conversations we might be bringing up, we are only looking at same direction and just glancing at each other once in a while. I am the person who doesn’t dig talking while staring both at the same time. Now I really don’t know how I will end this. Perhaps because me and that person will just wait for the sunrise to come (if we were able to resist getting sleepy, I’m a sleepy head that's why) or what do you know one of us may just be enjoying sunrise while the other had fallen asleep on the other's shoulder or on the other's lap.

Well, that's about what I was able to dig from my really old files. Til next time! Tata!