Hi!
I would like to share with you pieces of mind when Blogs were unheard of - or at least in my world and my friends' worlds as well. Since I was a kid, I loved writing down my thoughts on whatever things. It used to be in the form of poems when I was in gradeschool. It moved up to letter-like essays. Then adolescence creeped up in my veins and made me a little weird - these essays (very short essays) became diary postings - it's just that they were addressed to myself not to a "Dear Diary." And then I got caught up with email and these "postings" or whatever I do just to serve as an outlet of my thoughts became self-addressed emails. I hope I don't scare you. It's just that I like to have literary (or so i hope!) outlets but I never wanted to actually send them to friends or whoever. I feel like I am violating their right to have a good day in life with my senseless thoughts. I don't want to waste anybody's time (except for my friend Karen - I always bug her) and I don't want to affect others of my melancholy and all the sorts that I could be.
So here are a few of my insanity MANY YEARS BACK:
FLIMSY
A quiet night on my way home... Driving alone on a slightly damp road, raindrops calmly resting on the car windows, nice n’ easy music, and a luminous shine slowly paving a dimly lit path. A perfect moment that surely brought about flashes of memories that gave me the same exact feeling I have had long since. A feeling that is rather whimsical and estranged but never do I know its name. A feeling which gives a certain kind of smile, a certain kind of contentment. A feeling that makes me look up to the sky then lets my spirit be one with the void. A feeling that gives me no pressures and promises me nothing at all. It’s a feeling that lets me go on driving without thinking on how to drive. A feeling that lets me adore the lonely night sky. A feeling that lets me live my dreams. A feeling which sort of lifts me up, sways me gently, and wraps me in a cool touch of breeze. It’s something that would want to satisfy my need for writing about it then never would know what would come next. A feeling that would then take everything about my whole being and then leave it lost…
And another one: Intellectual Affair
A quiet night on my way home... Driving alone on a slightly damp road, raindrops calmly resting on the car windows, nice n’ easy music, and a luminous shine slowly paving a dimly lit path. A perfect moment that surely brought about flashes of memories that gave me the same exact feeling I have had long since. A feeling that is rather whimsical and estranged but never do I know its name. A feeling which gives a certain kind of smile, a certain kind of contentment. A feeling that makes me look up to the sky then lets my spirit be one with the void. A feeling that gives me no pressures and promises me nothing at all. It’s a feeling that lets me go on driving without thinking on how to drive. A feeling that lets me adore the lonely night sky. A feeling that lets me live my dreams. A feeling which sort of lifts me up, sways me gently, and wraps me in a cool touch of breeze. It’s something that would want to satisfy my need for writing about it then never would know what would come next. A feeling that would then take everything about my whole being and then leave it lost…
And another one: Intellectual Affair
I once asked a friend what is his greatest fear. After he got to share his thoughts, I shared mine. Here it is: (wait, wouldn’t it be too conceited to always discuss about one's own thoughts?) Hope it's not, just want to share...
Right now one of the things I fear is having an intellectual affair with someone. "Affair" for this matter would not actually mean something that would lead to some "worldly" interests. Perhaps a romantic or passionate attachment of limited time frame and/or a lively enthusiasm is acceptable. I added that having this rather platonic kind of relationship is even more alarming than the usual affairs where intelligent love does not exist but lust prevails. For in this kind of relationship, you will be more attached that letting go will never be easy. A person who is intellectually stimulating is justifiably hard to find than someone who has the right curves and (dirty) looks. Being involved in such a special relationship is like being stuck in a pit of quick sand; only you will be in a perplexing situation whether to choose being devoured by the sticky trap- another uncertainty incognito, or dig up, fight it and wish to forget it the minute you make your first step away. And if you would try to decipher this with your conscience, you would surely be bothered by guilt for you have been struck by a strong adhesion not a single wink could possibly vanish...
Right now one of the things I fear is having an intellectual affair with someone. "Affair" for this matter would not actually mean something that would lead to some "worldly" interests. Perhaps a romantic or passionate attachment of limited time frame and/or a lively enthusiasm is acceptable. I added that having this rather platonic kind of relationship is even more alarming than the usual affairs where intelligent love does not exist but lust prevails. For in this kind of relationship, you will be more attached that letting go will never be easy. A person who is intellectually stimulating is justifiably hard to find than someone who has the right curves and (dirty) looks. Being involved in such a special relationship is like being stuck in a pit of quick sand; only you will be in a perplexing situation whether to choose being devoured by the sticky trap- another uncertainty incognito, or dig up, fight it and wish to forget it the minute you make your first step away. And if you would try to decipher this with your conscience, you would surely be bothered by guilt for you have been struck by a strong adhesion not a single wink could possibly vanish...
And another one: 24 hours
A friend once asked me how do I ideally want to spend 24 hours. After a few moments here's what I have shared:
I would like to spend 24 hours in a serene place where (from my previous mail) the air is sweet and pure, the scenery is lush, and where my memories would last... I would be sitting in a trunk of tree lying on a bed of soft grass with green pasture all over, the mountains at the back and the infinite horizon from the sea in front. A soda or a bottle of water would be nice while there is still sunlight, and I don’t think two cans of beer ;-D would hurt when day light goes out. If it's okei, I’d be smoking a stick or two while staring at the crystal waters of the sea. To even make it more romantic, moonlight should be over our heads... Of course I should be with someone while I luxuriate in this fantasy. Though that someone wouldn't have to be someone with a romantic interest in me (or vice versa) as long as we share the same interests (he or she wouldn’t be there had he or she wanted to be in a bar or some place else, right?), not necessarily the same views, but definitely someone who somewhat enjoys boredom. And by the way, please take note that while we're having the whatever conversations we might be bringing up, we are only looking at same direction and just glancing at each other once in a while. I am the person who doesn’t dig talking while staring both at the same time. Now I really don’t know how I will end this. Perhaps because me and that person will just wait for the sunrise to come (if we were able to resist getting sleepy, I’m a sleepy head that's why) or what do you know one of us may just be enjoying sunrise while the other had fallen asleep on the other's shoulder or on the other's lap.
I would like to spend 24 hours in a serene place where (from my previous mail) the air is sweet and pure, the scenery is lush, and where my memories would last... I would be sitting in a trunk of tree lying on a bed of soft grass with green pasture all over, the mountains at the back and the infinite horizon from the sea in front. A soda or a bottle of water would be nice while there is still sunlight, and I don’t think two cans of beer ;-D would hurt when day light goes out. If it's okei, I’d be smoking a stick or two while staring at the crystal waters of the sea. To even make it more romantic, moonlight should be over our heads... Of course I should be with someone while I luxuriate in this fantasy. Though that someone wouldn't have to be someone with a romantic interest in me (or vice versa) as long as we share the same interests (he or she wouldn’t be there had he or she wanted to be in a bar or some place else, right?), not necessarily the same views, but definitely someone who somewhat enjoys boredom. And by the way, please take note that while we're having the whatever conversations we might be bringing up, we are only looking at same direction and just glancing at each other once in a while. I am the person who doesn’t dig talking while staring both at the same time. Now I really don’t know how I will end this. Perhaps because me and that person will just wait for the sunrise to come (if we were able to resist getting sleepy, I’m a sleepy head that's why) or what do you know one of us may just be enjoying sunrise while the other had fallen asleep on the other's shoulder or on the other's lap.
Well, that's about what I was able to dig from my really old files. Til next time! Tata!
